ANOTHER STINT IN THE HOSPITAL...........

This has been a VERY weird week. I ended up in hospital again from Sunday until yesterday. Once again, effects from this stupid pertussis. Long story short, I've been told by the lung specialist that I now have serious COPD permanently that may lead to emphysema(?) in the near future and that I have permanent asthma as well.
Oh, yeah! Next week the specialist is sending me for a bunch of tests. Then, he'd be able to tell me more accurately what my future may be.
I've gone through so many emotions this week, I can't begin to tell you where my head is at the moment. None of it very pretty.
I've decided this week, that I'm backing off on all the personal stuff as it only reminds me on a continuous basis how many stupid decisions I've made in my life and that I'm even more ridiculous by talking about it. Nothing like telling everyone you are a mess.
I've also reflected on how I need to back off with my opinions and work on keeping all of that to myself. No one really cares and it sounds pitiful.
What I do know is my opinions, decisions etc are mine. I need to be far more tolerant of other people's opinions and decisions and others need to be more tolerant and understanding of mine. I'm hardly a shining example of what's right for me, much less anyone else. I will say that this year, thus far, has been one of the roughest ever for me, both physically, mentally and emotionally.

Why can't we just let people live their lives the way they want. What is it about human nature that when our own lives are out of control and so wrong, that we try and screw up other people's lives as well by offering our advice.....shame on all of us, but especially shame on me! Some of us, for some reason, think our way(s)is the only way, which is so not reality. I'm going to try harder to be better.

Today,from a health perspective, I actually feel human again. Finally!

I got such a wonderful email from my youngest daughter today. She forwarded a picture of Maggie, my grandaughter, that just made my soul melt. Is this not the face of an angel?



It's a long weekend here in Canada and I need to continue getting well. I will probably just play at the computer with photos, etc. and clean up photo folders.

On Monday, my sister-in-law has invited us for dinner and conversation and she's cooking a special meal for me....can't wait. Let me tell you how good home made food is after five days of hospital food. I use the term 'food' loosely. Some of what was served was questionable at best.

I hope to shift the focus of my blog from here on and make it less about my personal life and more about my art and other pleasures.

KIND OF A HEINZ 57 WEEK.........

Well, I'm still battling this pertussis(whooping cough)and all that that includes. I'm still taking medications, puffers and will for a few more days. Although, I am feeling better and breathing better, I'm in no way over this situation.
They tell me it just takes time and patience. It's the latter, I have trouble with at the moment.

Monday, I picked up my art from the weekend long Art Show. Unfortunately, I did not sell anything and really had counted on at least one sale. Oh well, the curator told me there were some wonderful comments made about my work. For now, I'll take that encouragement.

Since the weather was so humid all week, I spent most of the week indoors. It allowed me to deal with some household stuff. I cleaned and edited our cold room, my kitchen cupboards, by fridges and my freezers. I always hate doing that type of stuff, and yet, there is a real sense of accomplishment when completed. Oh yeah, I went crazy baking and freezing pumpkin breads, banana breads, etc.

I've been studying a book written by a local woman regarding the process of leveraging yourself over the internet. She is great at using everyday language and I'm trying to implement some of her ideas. I think highly of this woman and hope to get her out here to get some hands-on help with all of it. I can't afford to pay her, but I'm hoping I can entice her with a good meal and maybe barter for a framed piece of my work.

I've struggled all week trying to word and design a letter and contract for the interior design and home stagers in the area. As I move forward, I feel there is real potential in working with these businesses. I really want to get it right, though!

My heart is telling me to persist and follow my dream. Although I go through some self doubt, and have some anxious moments, the feeling of ultimate success is so strong, I refuse to let the weak moments dictate my future.

It's been one of those weeks where I just seem to be going through the motions and am definitely in kind of a funk. I'll snap out of it. Sometimes, I think it's because I spend too much time thinking and then begin to regret. Sometimes, things just don't seem to be going well and I begin to over analyze the reasons. Sometimes, I just don't have the answers.

FELL OFF THE WAGON.....MUST TRY AGAIN!

Yep, fell off the 'quit smoking' wagon!

I'm not even sure why, but the fact is I did.

Last night, I got on the Nicorette website and signed on to follow a program they will set for me to quit. I had to answer a lot of questions and from that, they apparently custom design my own quit smoking program.

I was told beginning tomorrow, I'll receive daily emails telling me what to do step by step. They set my official quit date as July 26th. I now have the patches and the gum, so will await instructions. They s-a-y if you follow precisely the program they set for you, you will have 100% success.....!

I refuse to beat myself up over this, and yet, once again I feel like I've failed!

Oh well, I'll suck it up and try again..... just a slight detour.

TOMORROW.....HOPE FOR STRENGTH AND DETERMINATION

Well, tomorrow I will begin to try for the umpteenth time to quit smoking.
I realize there are people out there who sneer at those who smoke and that's their perogative. For me, it's been so much a part of me and it's been the 'crutch' for me. Quite frankly, I'm not sure at this point, what I'll replace it with but I will need to find something.
If it weren't for this stupid 'health' issue that has raised it's ugly head this week, I was not motivated to try at this point. I had actually set a date to try and quit this year, but it's just been moved up.
For me personally, I am usually so stubborn, but have always had a weak spot when it came to quitting smoking. It is and has been, for me, my one true friend. Goodbye, old friend. I hope it's worth it!