ANOTHER STINT IN THE HOSPITAL...........

This has been a VERY weird week. I ended up in hospital again from Sunday until yesterday. Once again, effects from this stupid pertussis. Long story short, I've been told by the lung specialist that I now have serious COPD permanently that may lead to emphysema(?) in the near future and that I have permanent asthma as well.
Oh, yeah! Next week the specialist is sending me for a bunch of tests. Then, he'd be able to tell me more accurately what my future may be.
I've gone through so many emotions this week, I can't begin to tell you where my head is at the moment. None of it very pretty.
I've decided this week, that I'm backing off on all the personal stuff as it only reminds me on a continuous basis how many stupid decisions I've made in my life and that I'm even more ridiculous by talking about it. Nothing like telling everyone you are a mess.
I've also reflected on how I need to back off with my opinions and work on keeping all of that to myself. No one really cares and it sounds pitiful.
What I do know is my opinions, decisions etc are mine. I need to be far more tolerant of other people's opinions and decisions and others need to be more tolerant and understanding of mine. I'm hardly a shining example of what's right for me, much less anyone else. I will say that this year, thus far, has been one of the roughest ever for me, both physically, mentally and emotionally.

Why can't we just let people live their lives the way they want. What is it about human nature that when our own lives are out of control and so wrong, that we try and screw up other people's lives as well by offering our advice.....shame on all of us, but especially shame on me! Some of us, for some reason, think our way(s)is the only way, which is so not reality. I'm going to try harder to be better.

Today,from a health perspective, I actually feel human again. Finally!

I got such a wonderful email from my youngest daughter today. She forwarded a picture of Maggie, my grandaughter, that just made my soul melt. Is this not the face of an angel?



It's a long weekend here in Canada and I need to continue getting well. I will probably just play at the computer with photos, etc. and clean up photo folders.

On Monday, my sister-in-law has invited us for dinner and conversation and she's cooking a special meal for me....can't wait. Let me tell you how good home made food is after five days of hospital food. I use the term 'food' loosely. Some of what was served was questionable at best.

I hope to shift the focus of my blog from here on and make it less about my personal life and more about my art and other pleasures.

KIND OF A HEINZ 57 WEEK.........

Well, I'm still battling this pertussis(whooping cough)and all that that includes. I'm still taking medications, puffers and will for a few more days. Although, I am feeling better and breathing better, I'm in no way over this situation.
They tell me it just takes time and patience. It's the latter, I have trouble with at the moment.

Monday, I picked up my art from the weekend long Art Show. Unfortunately, I did not sell anything and really had counted on at least one sale. Oh well, the curator told me there were some wonderful comments made about my work. For now, I'll take that encouragement.

Since the weather was so humid all week, I spent most of the week indoors. It allowed me to deal with some household stuff. I cleaned and edited our cold room, my kitchen cupboards, by fridges and my freezers. I always hate doing that type of stuff, and yet, there is a real sense of accomplishment when completed. Oh yeah, I went crazy baking and freezing pumpkin breads, banana breads, etc.

I've been studying a book written by a local woman regarding the process of leveraging yourself over the internet. She is great at using everyday language and I'm trying to implement some of her ideas. I think highly of this woman and hope to get her out here to get some hands-on help with all of it. I can't afford to pay her, but I'm hoping I can entice her with a good meal and maybe barter for a framed piece of my work.

I've struggled all week trying to word and design a letter and contract for the interior design and home stagers in the area. As I move forward, I feel there is real potential in working with these businesses. I really want to get it right, though!

My heart is telling me to persist and follow my dream. Although I go through some self doubt, and have some anxious moments, the feeling of ultimate success is so strong, I refuse to let the weak moments dictate my future.

It's been one of those weeks where I just seem to be going through the motions and am definitely in kind of a funk. I'll snap out of it. Sometimes, I think it's because I spend too much time thinking and then begin to regret. Sometimes, things just don't seem to be going well and I begin to over analyze the reasons. Sometimes, I just don't have the answers.

FELL OFF THE WAGON.....MUST TRY AGAIN!

Yep, fell off the 'quit smoking' wagon!

I'm not even sure why, but the fact is I did.

Last night, I got on the Nicorette website and signed on to follow a program they will set for me to quit. I had to answer a lot of questions and from that, they apparently custom design my own quit smoking program.

I was told beginning tomorrow, I'll receive daily emails telling me what to do step by step. They set my official quit date as July 26th. I now have the patches and the gum, so will await instructions. They s-a-y if you follow precisely the program they set for you, you will have 100% success.....!

I refuse to beat myself up over this, and yet, once again I feel like I've failed!

Oh well, I'll suck it up and try again..... just a slight detour.

TOMORROW.....HOPE FOR STRENGTH AND DETERMINATION

Well, tomorrow I will begin to try for the umpteenth time to quit smoking.
I realize there are people out there who sneer at those who smoke and that's their perogative. For me, it's been so much a part of me and it's been the 'crutch' for me. Quite frankly, I'm not sure at this point, what I'll replace it with but I will need to find something.
If it weren't for this stupid 'health' issue that has raised it's ugly head this week, I was not motivated to try at this point. I had actually set a date to try and quit this year, but it's just been moved up.
For me personally, I am usually so stubborn, but have always had a weak spot when it came to quitting smoking. It is and has been, for me, my one true friend. Goodbye, old friend. I hope it's worth it!

REALLY BAD TIMING....

Well, I've just spent the last three days in hospital. As I stated in my previous post, I've been struggling with what I initially thought was a lousy summer cold. Not so!
As the doctor stated today, that would have been the best case scenario. No, it appears a whole sequence of events now has me dealing with what will become a perpetual problem. I was told today that I've suffered a COPD Flare! You ask, what in the world is that? Well, I sure did! It can be life threatening apparently as it can cause respiratory failure.

Apparently, in my case, it's consecutive events that led my body to 'attack'. I will tell you it's one of the most scary feelings ever! I really felt like I was suffocating.

It started with my throat surgery, then being exposed to pertussis(whooping cough), then a booster I got for tetanus and diptheria, whooping cough etc, then the extreme heat and humidity we have at the moment and the pace I was trying to run at. Yep, it caught up with me big time. The other mitigating factor that added (not caused) to this equation was the fact that I smoke.

Well, three days in hospital, over two hundred dollars in medications (some of which I'll be on forever apparently) has dictated some life changes. I can no longer spend time in the heat and/or humidity, I must take inhalers 4 - 6 times a day, and I must quit smoking. Oh yeah, the other factor that plays a big part in this, I was told, is to eliminate stressors from your life. Hah! ...can someone give the secret for that, please! Oh yeah, finally, I've been told that I can't go into my husband's workshop anymore because of the wood dust and because of the spray finishing.

I have a photography show coming up this weekend. Fortunately, I do not need to be in attendance (although I wanted to be). So, tomorrow, I'll start my car and get the air conditioning going before I leave the driveway, pick up my framed art, and drive back home to my central air conditioned house. Wednesday, once again, I'll get my car air conditioning going and then head to Cobourg to submit my photography pieces and back home.

So, whether I like it or not, my life is heading in a new direction. One positive in all of this is I'll also quit drinking. For me, the drink was just the social appendage. I always enjoyed the smoking far more than I've ever liked to have a drink. I've always thought drinking created as many social and health issues as smoking.

I will tell everyone, they are lucky not to be near. I've tried to quit smoking about six times in my life and I turn into an absolute B----t-----ch!!!

I know now what it would be like to die from suffocation now....and it's not pleasant. For me, however, there's no one with their hands around my throat trying to kill me. I guess I've done that to myself!

Added to all of this, I'm now the heaviest I've ever been in my life. The steroids I now have to take cause major weight gain for me. I've already gained four and half pounds since Friday. So much for my weight training etc and my goal for year end. Hmm, guess my new goal is just to keep myself alive.

HEAT AND FUNK....

I think it's one of those chicken-egg things. I'm not sure which caused which, but I'm definitely in a funk today. The heat here is absolutely brutal and I'm now in my third week of this steady cough. I was told Friday, that I very likely have pertussis and that can run as long as 6 - 10 weeks.
Being the impatient and active person I usually am, I'm definitely finding this scenario frustrating.

OK, now that I've had my mini pity party, I must get on with things. Next week is the first of the juried art shows I've entered and have a few last minute things to get done for the show. Apparently, this is a really well attended show and since it's my first time I really want to make sure I've done my best.

I'm now in the process of drafting a couple of different cover letters to go along with the rack cards I had printed. I'm aiming for the interior designers/homestagers as one part of the marketing equation and then want a different letter to send out to corporate people.

Since I'm also planning on offering a rental option, I need to draft a legal rental agreement for those who may just want to rent my framed photography for a set period of time...... lots to do!

I'm also at a point where I really need help with 'connecting the dots' so to speak and start linking all my sites together in order to leverage to the fullest my web exposure. I spoke to someone at the Chamber yesterday and she's offered to help me. We just need to find a mutally agreeable time to spend getting it done.

CANADA DAY AND JULY 4TH.... TRADITIONS

Well, since I was born in Canada and lived in the USA for eleven years, I feel some connection to both of these holidays. The connection for me, is recalling activities and traditions I tried to give my daughter's in both countries. Although Marlo really only lived the first seven years of her life in Canada, she was born here and as a small child she had such wonderment,enthusiasm and found such pleasure in the little things. On Canada Day, we'd sometimes go to Ontario Place and stay for the concert outdoors, sometimes we'd make paper Canadian flags and stick them up, and then we had a ritual of Marlo having her bath, getting into her PJ's and then we'd light sparklers out in the back yard. She would just shake with excitement! She was so happy when she could be the 'big sister' and show Lindsay how this 'process' worked. She taught Linds that when you twirl them you can make unique light patterns. Lindsay was impressed!

After we moved to the USA and the girls got involved in baton twirling, most of our July 4th's, were spent marching/twirling in two or three parades in the one day. After all was over, the twirling corps (Twin-tonettes) would picnic and the kids would participate in the fairs. They loved doing some of the rides, they loved the fried-dough, the candy floss, and just hanging with other corps members. Many happy times were had with this group. Being part of that corps taught them so much about things they would need later in life.... like, responsibility, scheduling, committment, hard work, team work, respect, sportsmanship, practice makes you better and 'family'. It served both of them very well. Each of my girls honed these skills and built on them and I am SO proud.

Both Marlo and Lindsay are now Moms themselves and will develop their own traditions with their children. I often wonder what Mason and Maggie will recall as their special family holiday traditions. Many of the 'little things' we did that didn't cost much are the things that stand out as special for my girls. I'm sure the same will hold true for their kids....I hope so!

As I recall so many things we did together, I smile.

CONTEST OVER............

Well, my contest ended up confusing the people who decided to participate. It ended up only three people wanted to win a signed, framed, photo.
Since I messed up the explanation and there were only three people who entered, I've decided all three will get their choice framed as a 4 X 6 framed to a 5 X 7. It will take me a week approximately to get them framed and then handed out.

Here were the picks and why:



I love "Absent." The colors, the textures, the composition are all wonderful. It's the pop of red. It's simply the pop of red against the gray that attracts me to this photograph and keeps me there. Meg Mitchell (PRISCILLAMAEetal)




Lonesome is my favorite..It draws me to it!..LV the calm silence...beautiful.. Teresa Mailath



As soon as I saw The Three Sisters, I got goose bumps. I am sure I have stood at the same spot from where you took that shot. Unbelieveable...To me those mountains truly are "The Power and The Glory." – Robert McFarland

Thank you to the three of you. Next contest, I'll try to be less complicated.

Well, on a different note, it's been a really crappy week, healthwise. This cough I've had just won't let up. I finally ended up going to Emergency today and after four hours, they are pretty sure I've got early stage pertussis (whooping cough). I'd hate to think it could get worse! It's a brutally dry cough and now my ribs are bruised and 'oh, so tender!'. I finally received some relief in the form of various drugs. I'm not a drug taker per se, but let me tell you, I'm really happy to have these prescriptions. I'm on anti-biotic for the irritation it's caused in my throat due to the surgery and then the aggravation of the cough, prednisone to help stop the coughing, tylenol three with codiene for the pain and overall discomfort from all the coughing, AND special inhaler to help slow down and stop my coughing as well.
This time, I'm a willing patient!

Today, I heard I was not selected for one of the juried art shows I applied for in August. That's OK! This was a really big contest that covered ALL of Southern Ontario. I was given a ticket for the show, however, and I will definitely attend to see what was chosen. I'm just starting this type of thing and can't expect to make it into all of them. I will certainly get some opinions on my work in order to learn from the process. I must always keep in mind as my framer told me, art is so subjective that you do what you do primarily for yourself and hope others out in the great big world like it also. He's a painter as well as a framer.

Well, back to get some rest!

POST-SCRIPT:

I actually missed one person's choice and comments...sorry, Linda.
You, too, will get your photo choice framed and I apologize for leaving you out of the initial post.....definitely a senior moment!



I like this one because it's purple :-) and pretty. See how so NOT deep I can be about these things? I am just that simple, on some level. And allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the people (mostly men) who are baffled by me and think I am oh-so-deep and complicated just aren't paying attention.... Linda Faigen