I COULD BE DEPRESSED...BUT...I'M NOT!

Well, on Wednesday my trainer weighed me, measured me and was totally dumbfounded. After 52 days of working out one to two hours,six days a week, along with Zumba dancing on Mondays and Aqua fit on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I haven't lost one single pound, one single inch and not one point off my BMI. She is totally bewildered by this situation. I adjusted my diet two weeks ago and that hasn't helped either. You would think SOMETHING would have changed....not so! She knows I have Grave's disease and hypothyroidism and warned me my process would be slower, however, even she can't believe nothing has happened!!!!! Well, that makes two of us!!!
Never mind, when I started this process I said I'd give it one full year and that's what I plan to do! The trainer has suggested I get my thyroid levels tested and if within the normal range still, we will definitely look at a major diet change. That's really the only other option at this point.....:(
I had my trainer add more weight and repetitions to my weight program and then we added another program using the 'ball' and hand weights so that when I travel I still have a regimen to follow when I have no access to weight machines.
I'm suppose to start my new program tomorrow. We'll see.

I had to drive through a snowstorm today to go to Mississauga to see a doctor. What normally takes about two hours and fifteen minutes, took me four hours this morning. It was a bit better coming back late this afternoon, but by the time I got home I felt a cold and maybe some flu symptoms coming on. Right now, I'm feeling pretty lousy. I'll give it overnight, but if I improve somewhat, I'd still like to go to the fitness centre. I need to judge that tomorrow as I don't want to risk other people getting whatever this is...not a good thing to do!

Good things are happening and I feel positive that will continue. Today, for the first time in a long, long time I sold one of my plates on my Etsy site......yeah!

Next weekend is the juried art show and I choose to be positive and want to believe at least one of my photos will get picked for the show.....that would be my first!


Got to see my little 'Maggie' on Skype tonight....yep, she is her Mother's daughter!





My new girlfriend Marg, called and said she had an extra ticket for the theatre tonight and would I like to join her. Too bad I'm not feeling well.
There was also another benefit for 'Seeds of Hope' tonight and couldn't make that either. Never mind, there will be more opportunities in the future.

Well, I'm going to take some cold medicine and head to bed real soon! Gosh, it's so inconvenient when one is sick!

FAMILY GATHERINGS...

We spent a wonderful afternoon with some special cousins and 'family'. One of my cousins, Pat, decided we needed to connect so we had a gathering of 'family' for a mid afternoon dinner. It was so great to see many and so great to enjoy all the wonderful food laid out. Unfortunately, these family gatherings aren't the best when one is trying to lose weight. Everyone(the women, of course) contribute a pot luck dish and then we all get to feast. There was a delicious ham, sweet and sour meatballs, scalloped potatoes, carrots, green salad, coleslaw,baked beans, pickles, and homemade dinner rolls........Yummmmm! Then we went on to a wonderful array of desserts. There was homemade brownies, homemade chelsea buns, homemade butter tarts, homemade fudge, fresh fruit salad, and then I had made a dessert with whipping cream and chocolate wafer cookies. Certainly enjoyed the food, but definitely blew the restraint resolution. Oh well, it's the first since January. A great afternoon.
Friday I met another cousin at the Starbuck's inside our Chapters bookstore and we talked and talked and talked...great visit!

Friday night I ended up taking my husband to the hospital. He sliced his finger vertically on his middle finger with his band saw. Two hours later and five stitches later we got back home.

I took Friday off for my workouts, but then did Saturday and Sunday. Today was my weight training day. For some reason, found the workout a little more difficult today. Tomorrow evening is my Zumba class. I think there are three more classes before it ends. It certainly is a major cardio workout, but fun!

This evening was special as I got to get on Skype with both my grandson and my grandaughter. They give me such joy and love to see how they are definitely becoming their own individual personalities. I'm going to go visit each of them separately within the next two months....can't wait!

PERSEVERE.........THEN THE REWARD!

Well, it's been a little over seven weeks since I started working out to meet my one year goal. I've been going every single day with the exception of two days since January 4th. Guess what? According to the scales here at home, I haven't lost one pound! :(
I meet with my trainer again next week and we will do all the measurements as far as weight, waist measurement, hip measurement, bust measurement, neck measurement, etc. etc. Then, it's the body fat measurement. Let's hope those have improved. I know I still have work to do about eating breakfast and lunch everyday. I'm really not good about eating those two meals. I'm going to try and work out weekly menus this weekend and prepare ahead of time as many things as I can.
I was doing weight training today at the fitness centre and my trainer happened to be there and she is really puzzled why I haven't lost any weight yet. She said I really do have a weird metabolism.
I'm a long way from giving up as there is still ten months to go. It's the end of this year that counts. My trainer and I will have to take a good look at alternate plans to get my body to kick start....should be interesting!
I'm less encouraged about finding a part time or full time job!!! I think I've sent out twenty one resumes so far and not even a phone call for an interview. My girlfriend tells me I should 'dumb down' my resume. I don't know how to do that without telling some lies and I refuse to do that! I've never even considered 'dumbing myself down'.......Hmmmmm! Does it really come down to that type of manipulation? I hope not.
One thing I'm grateful for this week is finally getting my house cleaned from top to bottom. I have always kept my home really clean, but it's a struggle when I have many more things I'd rather do and need to do. Never mind, it's done for now. That's the one thing about housework.........it never ends.
We had our waitress for our family breakfasts here, along with her boyfriend for dinner last night. She has become a very special person to all the family. She takes really good care of us on Tuesdays and Thursdays when we have our family breakfasts.
I have my photography ready for the show in March and received word today they received my fees for that event....keeping my fingers crossed. First, my work(s) need to be selected for the show. Secondly, I could REALLY use the prize money! Oh well, whatever is to be will be!I had the three prints above custom framed so I hope it pays off!

I'M OK!! .. NO MORE PITY PARTY!

I've definitely turned the corner and right now feel really good about myself and my ability to move forward.
My pity party went on much longer than I'd normally allow myself, but it's over.
I'm tired of the drama and the personal soap opera and can honestly say, I'm ready to move on and see what wonderful things are in store for me down the road.
I must admit being a bit ashamed of myself for allowing this whole situation with my husband to almost defeat me. When I really take the time to look around and realize how difficult life is for so many in the world, my personal problems shrink in comparison. Never mind, I am human after all and won't beat myself up too badly for taking longer than usual to do a mind shift.
My happiness or the lack thereof is truly in my control. I choose to be happy. I choose to be strong. I choose to move forward.
While at church this morning, there was a great sense of peace that came over me and I knew I'd be OK.
I'm still working out with great enthusiasm, but my trainer has suggested I take one day a week off. She thinks I might be going at it a little too strong. She and I are also going to take a look at some diet changes as well.
My determination to meet my goal by January 2011 has not wavered. As an additional motivator, I'm not buying anymore clothes until then, unless it's something critical. I'm looking forward to getting a new wardrobe. It will give me an additional reason to go visit my daughter's as well. Why? Because there are such great clothing deals in the USA, if you know where to shop for them. It becomes a great challenge to see what kind of 'deals' one can get. 'Deals' make the shopping experience even more fun!
I spoke to both my daughter's in the past few days again and they make me so proud and so happy. I'm planning on going to see each of them at some point in March.
It will probably be after the Warkworth Maple Syrup Festival, where I have three photography pieces entered for the juried art show....crossing my fingers!
Yesterday, I took my friend, Marg to the local Tea Room in the morning for coffee and tea biscuit with fresh strawberry jam. It was her birthday and we are the same age. She's asked me to help her plan an arts and crafts show for the fall as a fundraiser for her church. Of course, I said yes. She is one of the truly great new friends I've made since moving here. We both enjoy each others' company very much!

Happy Valentines wishes to all the bloggers out there! No celebrations here, but a good day nonetheless.

Tomorrow........yuk...housecleaning which is long overdue!

HOPE...............can't live without it!

Today's listening.......'It's My Life' ... Bon Jovi
'The Prayer' ..... Celine Dione & Andrea Bocelli
'What a Wonderful World' .. Louis Armstrong

Hope is such a short word, yet has such huge meaning!
Today was a hopeful day for me and each day forward will be even better.
I'm always more hopeful and happier when I get a chance to have in depth conversations with my daughter's. Gosh, they are so smart, so logical, so helpful, so incredible. We definitely don't always agree, however, I am so proud that I must have done something right,because they are women I would be impressed with even if I'd met them in other circumstances. I'm proud of their intelligence, their work ethic, their efforts to be the best 'Moms' they can, and their humanity.
Today was also different for me, in that I was awake at 6 AM (unheard of for me), and was at the Fitness Centre by 7:30 AM. I did the Gentle Aqua Fit and then 45 minutes of treadmill. I discovered my body doesn't like mornings AT ALL! I actually had to go have a nap this afternoon!

Tonight was SO great as I got to see my grandaughter via Skype. It's so amazing how quickly they grow and change. She is one of the happiest little munchkins. I do believe she will give her parents a bit of a challenge as she grows, but for sure, will give them many smiles, giggles, and pleasures as well. I need some more recent photos of her. I'm hoping to get down to see her and my daughter and son-in-law some time in March. I may at that point go on down and visit my oldest daughter and my 'little man'. It' so hard to believe he'll begin school this coming fall....need more time!
My son-in-law's birthday is this Friday, February 12th. It has special significance this year as my country, Canada is hosting the Olympics and Friday is opening day of the games....

ALONE..........

My favourite songs for today...
'You don't know me' ... Michael Buble
'Learn to Breathe' .... LaShell Griffin
'Nowhere to run' ...... Martha Reeves

Even with people around, it's amazing how alone one can feel at times. I'm having one of those 'alone' days.
My mind is swirling with so many different thoughts and I believe some things are becoming more clear. I'm praying for some really solid answers and I know they will be forthcoming. What I need is patience and a little more faith.
I did one hour on the treadmill today and tonight's Zumba class was canceled as our instructor is sick.
I'm keeping busy anyway I know how, both artistically and just doing the mundane things required each day. Today, I made almost eight quarts of minestrone soup. I'm trying to be good about stocking up on things that I can have for lunch that are healthy.
I am going to check out some of the Weight Watchers recipes and will check out the book by Jillian Michaels to see what she advises. I started reading her book 'Mastering your Metabolism' when I was down visiting my oldest daughter and then got sidetracked. I really need to read and study her book. I have a feeling, she may hold the key to my metabolism issues.
Right now, I have days where it's really hard to stay focused, but I'm trying!

DEADLINES.............

My favourite songs today.... 'I look to you - Whitney Houston'
'I didn't know my own strength - Whitney Houston
'Big girls don't cry' - Jersey Boys - Frankie Valli

Right now, I'm making sure I meet certain deadlines for submissions or applications for various juried art shows and arts and craft shows I hope to participate in this coming year.
It's kind of weird to be doing all this in February for this year's Christmas season. Didn't we just get finished with Christmas not too long ago?
I'm hoping to get in to more juried photography shows this year both for the exposure and the prize money. I always told my daughters, there's no chance at all if you don't enter and the worst that can be said is 'No' so nothing would have changed from where my position is at the moment....right? Nothing to lose and maybe lots to gain!
I'm still going to the gym every single day! One day is weight training and the alternate day is 45 minutes to one hour on the treadmill and when possible some gentle aquatic exercise. I'm actually surprised how much I'm enjoying this journey. Even though I have a long, long way to go I'm proud that I'm still going and going!
Yesterday, I purchased a balance ball, a mat, some 5 lb. weights to also do a bit at home when I'm so inclined.
I was thinking today while on the treadmill, this would be such a great thing to be doing with my daughters. I miss them and wish the distance between each of us wasn't so great. Life can turn on a dime and it's tough....for me and for them. I really envy my cousin who has all three of her married daughters in town. They do a lot together or one on one with each other....sigh!!
I made taco salad for dinner tonight and then made apple crisp for dessert since it's the weekend and I'm allowed dessert on weekends!
Church tomorrow, then lunch, then workout, then concentrate on getting 3 of my photos framed for a juried show.
I hope I can get on Skype with my little man, Mason tomorrow and my little sweet pea, Maggie tomorrow.

'DIE TRYING.................JUST MAYBE!'

Yesterday, my personal trainer added five more exercises. Three involved using free weights for my upper torso. Omg! It seemed so easy to do at the time she showed me what to do and how many to do, but by last night I was SO tender. The worst was in between my shoulder blades....yikes!
I won't see her for two weeks now. She has told me to double up now on the first set of exercise machines from 12 repetitions to 24 repetitions. On the new ones, I'm to start with 12 repetitions for the next two weeks.
On alternate days I'll do 45 minutes to one hour on the treadmill at the incline of 3 and speed of 3. If I go much above that speed on these particular treadmills, I'd be running and I won't do the running thing. After that, I try to get in one half hour of gentle aquatic exercise.
This is taking a lot of time out of each day, but for the next year, this will be my life.

Yesterday, I received the most wonderful phone call from an older gentleman who had been at our local Tea Room and saw my framed photography on the walls for sale. We talked for quite some time and he wishes to purchase one of the photos but in a larger size and wondered if that would be possible. Of course, I said yes. But he made my day when he told me he so appreciates photography that touches him. He said he's seen many photographers work and then said I ranked right at the top of his list of amazing photographers. So sweet, and I really, really appreciated him taking time to talk with me. What a great mental boost!

I got up early this morning and met up with one of my cousins and we drove up to Bancroft, Ontario. She was asked to speak at a women's coffee hour and Bible study and then to do a short talk and show some recent video of the Seeds of Hope activities in Haiti. Seeds of Hope has a very large container of medical supplies, clothing, tents, blankets, etc. heading to Haiti within the week they hope. At the moment, their problem is finding a private/corporate jet preferably free to take 8 of them down to be there when the container arrives. There is 5 doctors, my cousin's husband, Tony Jones who was their 'man on the ground' when the earthquake hit. Tony, his wife and little three month old baby managed to get out and are now here in Peterborough. Now that Tony knows his wife and baby are safe he's going back asap.

There are two of my women cousins that live in Bancroft so we all went out for lunch after and had some great conversation and some much needed laughs. All of us have so much going on in our lives at the moment, so we treasure our brief times together.

At this point, I've now sent out over 15 resumes and applications for either full time or part time work..........nothing as yet. So many of these positions I'm extremely qualified to do, so you begin to get a bit paranoid about the age thing.

MONTH ONE.........RECLAIMING MY LIFE

This ends Month One of my journey............ 161 lbs. as of today.
It's funny how being on a treadmill for one hour gives you great time to think, to contemplate, to plan, to regret, to have a pity party, to rethink, to make choices, to decide and to get angry.
I've asked myself how I let my life go so wrong. How do I get my life back? How do I make some good choices? Where do I start my new beginning?.... Well, for me, it's first getting back into the best shape I can at 62 years old. This will be a long road! It took a lot of neglect, a lot of years of putting myself at the bottom of the priority list and a lot of personal disappointments, some of which I had no control over...some I certainly did!!.
I've posted some pictures taken recently to record how overdue this decision is to make some changes. It's not a very pretty picture....but in one year, I hope there will be a fairly dramatic change in my physicality and my psyche as well.
I'm not proud to admit all of this and I regret that I find myself looking old, worn out and unattractive. I had always taken SO much pride in myself. I can't even tell you when this sad transformation began, but one look and it's obvious it did. I hope to control my own metamorphosis.
As hard as this process will be, the next step will be to quit smoking and that will be even tougher. Cigarettes are my emotional crutch. Since most people look down on smokers like me, it actually gave me an excuse to get some alone time.
The reason I'm pretty sure I WILL succeed is my incredible stubbornness and determination when I get annoyed.........and I AM ANNOYED!!!